What to Ask a Medium, and What Not to Ask

Written by Chaya the Medium.

A working medium's guide to the questions that open a reading up, the ones that close it down, and how to prepare before you book.

The short answer: ask a medium open questions about the person you have lost and about yourself now. "Is there anything you want me to know?" opens a reading up. "What was the PIN for your bank card?" closes it down. The best questions leave room for whatever comes through, rather than testing the reader with a fact only you know.

I am Chaya, a fourth generation Romani psychic and medium from Ireland. I have delivered 41,500 readings since opening my public practice in 2019, many of them for people trying to reach someone they have lost. This is the list I would give a friend before their first medium reading.

What to ask a medium about a loved one

Start with the questions you would ask if you had one more conversation. These are the ones that tend to bring the most back:

• Is there anything you want me to know?
• Are you at peace now?
• Do you know what has happened in the family since you passed?
• Is there anything left unsaid between us?
• Do you have a message for someone else in the family?
• Were you with me at a particular moment, such as a wedding, a birth or a hard day?
• Is there anything you want me to do, or to stop doing?

You do not need all of them. Two or three that matter to you are better than a long list. If the death was sudden, or there was a falling out, it is fine to ask about that directly. Many people are carrying a question they have never said out loud, and a reading is a safe place to say it.

What to ask about yourself

A medium reading is about your loved one, but it is also about you. Good questions include "What would they want me to know about the decision I am facing?", "Do they see how I am coping?" and "Is there something they would want me to let go of?" These questions keep the reading useful after you have finished it, because the answer is about your life now.

What to ask a pet medium

If the loved one was an animal, keep the questions simple and about the bond. "Were they comfortable at the end?", "Do they know how much they were loved?" and "Is there anything they want me to know?" work far better than questions about specific events in the house. My guide to a pet medium reading explains what that reading can and cannot offer.

What not to ask a medium

Some questions almost always lead to disappointment. These are the ones I would leave out:

• Test questions. "What was my nickname?" or "What colour was the kitchen?" Spirit communication comes through as impressions, feelings and images, not as a database. A reader who fails a test question may still bring through something real, and a reader who passes one may simply have guessed well.
• Questions for other people's secrets. Asking a loved one to confirm who was in the will, or what a living relative did, puts the reading in the middle of a dispute it cannot settle.
• Medical and legal questions. A medium cannot tell you the cause of death, whether a doctor was at fault, or what you should do about an inheritance. Those questions belong with professionals.
• Questions about your own death or anyone else's. A responsible medium will not answer them, and you should be wary of anyone who does.
• Lottery numbers, dates and guarantees. Mediumship is not a way to predict money or a fixed future.

How to prepare for a medium reading

Before you book, decide who you most want to hear from. A reading usually goes best with one person in focus rather than several at once. Write down their full name and your relationship to them, then two or three questions. Some people like to have a photo nearby while they read the answer, but a written reading does not need one.

Be honest with yourself about what you are hoping for. If you need one particular message to feel better, say so in your order, but know that a medium cannot guarantee it. Contact with a particular person is never certain, and an honest medium will tell you that before you pay, not after.

How a written medium reading works

My medium readings are written and sent by email. You send the person's full name, your relationship to them, your own name and date of birth, and your questions. I write down what comes through and send it to you within 48 hours. The written format means you can read it when you are ready, alone if you need to be, and keep it to read again. Many people find that a detail makes sense days later, which is hard to catch in a live session. My guide to a medium reading by email goes through the format, the price and what to send.

What a good medium will and will not do

A good medium is clear about the price before you pay, tells you that contact is not guaranteed, and does not ask for more money to finish a reading or to bring someone through. They do not frighten you, and they do not tell you that someone you love is trapped or suffering in order to sell you more work. If any reader does that, walk away.

A good reading should leave you feeling more settled, not more dependent. You do not need a medium to grieve well, and nothing in a reading should replace the people and support around you.